A Midfall’s Night Dream

It felt like an extended vacation. After a few months off I walked into the office like nothing had changed.

Except it had. I had changed. I realized I wasn’t willing to put up with being treated without respect.

I was nervous, though, because I was sure everything was different there, too. We moved into a new office space a month after I left. There were new employees, new co-workers, new clients. 

When they called me to invite me back, they were contrite, apologetic even.

But I was still wary. How would they treat me? Would they be nice?

I didn’t have to wait long to find out.

They immediately called me into their office and screamed at me, berating me for what I had put them through. They were done with my shit, they told me. They had hired someone to replace me, so I had to start at the bottom. I was expected to suck it up and shut up.

I picked up my things and walked out.


This is the dream I’ve been having for a week.

In my dream I returned to the job I quit over four months ago. In the dream they begged me to come back, told me they were sorry they treated me the way they did, but when I got there they were anything but sorry. In fact, they were hostile, angry and punishing. They brought me back just to fuck with me.

The reality is they are so angry at me that they would never allow me to even set foot in the building. In fact, I recently found out that no one in the office is allowed to talk about me, mention my name or contact me to ask me questions.

I also heard that they hired not one person, but two people to replace me. Me, the person who they claimed at the unemployment hearing was useless, but they kept me because they liked me. There was something so insulting and shitty about that comment, especially, since I had to hear it in front of a judge and I couldn’t tell them to go fuck themselves (Did I tell you they fought my unemployment? I think I’m the only person in the state of California who can’t get unemployment).

I’m not sure why I’m dreaming about this now. I’m not really as bitter as I sound. (No, seriously.) Maybe I’m just working out some residual anger at them before I can finally close that door and move on. And for the most part I have. Once I start working regularly again, I will be done with it once and for all.

In the meantime, I’m working my ass off to build my freelance business, and hopefully, in a couple of months I can turn that into something permanent.

And then I can slam that door in their faces.

When one door opens...

When one door opens…


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  1. says

    AAAAARRGGGHHH! Bad employers! Bad bad bad employers!

    I’m pissed just reading this. Are you not bitter because you want to keep your shit together until your own work is where you want it to be, are you really just that much better a person than me (not a tough standard, admittedly. . .)?

    Anyway, I say add the “and then I steal all of their clients/their best clients” to your dream, just as an extra kick to that slammed door.
    absurdbeats recently posted..The feline paradox

    • says

      I’m trying not to be bitter because it won’t change anything. I already spent the better part of six years being bitter, and I left because that was making me an angry, unhappy person. They’re assholes for fighting my unemployment (one final kick in the ass on my way out), but It makes me realize I was right to leave. After a couple of months I slowly started to pick up freelance work and it’s opening the door for me to return to what I did for 15 years before I took that nasty, misguided detour. I am getting work from people who like and respect me and that’s all I need.

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