Great Expectations

Yesterday I had a text message conversation (that counts as a conversation, right?) with a friend and she told me (with love) that I’m too hard on myself.

She knows me too well.

I need to take charge of a few things in my life—you know, little things like emotions, my feelings and, oh yeah, my career. I don’t write about work much here because you never really know who’s reading, but it’s safe to say that I would love to be able to take some of what I’m doing now and combine it with the type of work I used to do. I’d like to find something that combines my marketing and social media skills with the writing and editing I used to do for a living.

(I KNOW—when you read this blog it’s hard to believe I used to get paid for writing such drivel!)

Those jobs ARE out there. I’ve seen them. I’ve even applied for them. But that’s as far as I’ve gotten. No phone calls. No interviews. Nada. And the bitch of it is I know if I can get my foot in the door I can interview the shit out of any job I want.

In this economy and job market, I shouldn’t be surprised that I haven’t gotten much response, especially in L.A. where competition for these jobs is especially fierce. Intellectually, I know I shouldn’t take it personally. But mentally? That’s a whole different story.

The second I hit send on an application I immediately create these scenarios about me acing the interview, wowing my potential employers, making them wonder how in the world they ever lived without me.

(It’s an odd dichotomy—my confidence in my head versus my lack of it in real life is really perplexing).

I’m normally a glass is half empty girl—I expect the worse in most situations—but these are the rare instances when I try to think positively as if I can manifest these things to happen. I allow myself to get excited about these jobs and build up such big expectations that when I don’t hear back in a few days I sink into a deep funk. I take it personally. I feel rejected. I’m definitely hard on myself.

I need to learn to adjust my expectations. These are weird times and the same rules don’t apply anymore. There are definitely things I can do—I’m having my résumé revamped—but there are things that are out of hands (Can I just tell you how much I HATE these online application processes? And the fact that you can’t actually call a human being to follow up?), and I have to learn to accept that and not let it ruin me.

I do have to stop being so hard on myself.