My yoga practice has kind of gone to shit.
Since going through my teacher training program I’m unable to just walk into class and bliss out.
Instead, I’m tuned in to what the teacher is saying and how she’s saying it, jotting down notes in my head when she says something particularly clever or turning a phrase over in my mind, wondering why he or she explained something a particular way. I’m mentally keeping track of the sequence, considering the reasons that pose came after the other one. And if she didn’t tell us at the beginning of class what the peak pose would be, I’m trying to see if I can guess based on the sequence. I’m thisclose to bringing notebooks to every class I take.
If there’s a more philosophical theme instead of something like hip openers or headstand, I spend a lot of time in my head putting it together with what I’ve already learned in class.
And then I start tripping over my ego. If I’m in a class taught by one of my teacher trainers, or another teacher who knew I took the training, I wonder if they’re observing me more critically. When I couldn’t get up in handstand today I couldn’t help but wonder if my teacher thinks it was a mistake to pass me—never mind the fact that she’s seen me get up plenty of other times.
I wonder if this passes. I just finished training a couple of months ago, and I’m about to start teaching so I hope this is because I’m still trying to process all that info. Because right now I am too in my head and it’s not fun and it’s certainly not relaxing.
Which, you know, is so not yoga.