My yoga practice has kind of gone to shit.
Since going through my teacher training program I’m unable to just walk into class and bliss out.
Instead, I’m tuned in to what the teacher is saying and how she’s saying it, jotting down notes in my head when she says something particularly clever or turning a phrase over in my mind, wondering why he or she explained something a particular way. I’m mentally keeping track of the sequence, considering the reasons that pose came after the other one. And if she didn’t tell us at the beginning of class what the peak pose would be, I’m trying to see if I can guess based on the sequence. I’m thisclose to bringing notebooks to every class I take.
If there’s a more philosophical theme instead of something like hip openers or headstand, I spend a lot of time in my head putting it together with what I’ve already learned in class.
And then I start tripping over my ego. If I’m in a class taught by one of my teacher trainers, or another teacher who knew I took the training, I wonder if they’re observing me more critically. When I couldn’t get up in handstand today I couldn’t help but wonder if my teacher thinks it was a mistake to pass me—never mind the fact that she’s seen me get up plenty of other times.
I wonder if this passes. I just finished training a couple of months ago, and I’m about to start teaching so I hope this is because I’m still trying to process all that info. Because right now I am too in my head and it’s not fun and it’s certainly not relaxing.
Which, you know, is so not yoga.
Think of it as a great way to prolong your training – you get to observe so many different ways of teaching and keep sharpening your skills. I was there too, and eventually it wore off.
Maureen, I can sympathize and so understand!
I am a massage therapist as well as a yoga teacher. Try relaxing deeply in a massage when all you are doing is mentally taking notes… Frig!
I remember crying real tears and feeling almost like I was in mourning about my yoga practice when I started YTT. I was so sad that I had lost the thing that made me feel whole and I was MAD at YTT for ‘killing’ my ‘friend’ yoga.
I stopped going to classes for a while after my YTT and found solace in my own home practice, which was sometimes just pranayama by the fire.
I soon learned that the yoga you are teaching HAS to come from within, from experience. I started taking classes again, promising myself that I would take turns: this class is for me, this class is for ‘them’. ‘Them’ being your students. This gave me the opportunity to just BE in the practice (it was still hard) to learn through my body, like everyone else in the room, and be in my ears/head for the other class. I had my own permission to do so
You could try attending some workshops which a generally more heady with the intention of ‘I am here to become a better teacher’ and save some yoga classes for the intention ‘I am here to be my true self’.
We are always learning and growing as a yoga student and a yoga teacher… It takes time, like most richly rewarding things.
It doesn’t necessarily pass, but it does change. You just learn to appreciate *different* aspects of an asana-based classed. I do get cranky pants now if there’s no clear “peak” or poor sequencing in a class, but then I try not to go to those kind of classes. You find a new flow and new appreciation for good teachers. But, unfortunately, that innocence is lost, but it translates to something new and even more awesome. And, I promise, the wish to have a notebook in class will go away!
AND once you get confident with teaching, it becomes another way to get OUT of your head. 
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Oh man.. I totally hear you! What I finally decided to do was allow myself five minutes of listening, judging, thinking “this is a great sequence/bad sequence” and then i have to let it go. That seems to work and I am able to enjoy a class a bit. Having said that… workshops are my go to for enjoying a practice taught by someone else and I generally practice solo at home.
It does get easier and for me I so rarely get to go to a class that when I do (aka when not teaching) I enjoy it. It has become a luxury worth more than gold!
Welcome to yoga teacher brain. It’s a gift, and now your learning is how to turn it off. If you figure it out…. let me know. xo
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I am so glad you mentioned this. And am very grateful for the comments too. I do want to start YTT this year. I have heard of people saying they did a major for this or that and now it was hard to actually do it because they were over analyzing. I’m glad you brought up this point, just in case it happens to me. I really hope you find the fun, friend and flow in yoga again. You will! But intense training like that has to find how to settle in I suppose. Namaste with love
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Very very soon your practice will once again become your own….trust in your journey!
Monkey mind strikes again. Your practice will return to bliss soon enough when you take the teaching pressure off of yourself.
Hey, just to be snarky: How about a martini or glass of wine before class? I’m sure that’s a yo-ga-no-no but, heck, it couldn’t hurt…too much!
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