“I’m not judging people; I’m judging their actions. It’s the same type of distinction that I try to apply to myself, to judge, but not be judgmental.”

—unknown

I usually know pretty quickly after meeting someone who they are and what they’re about. I have a good idea whether or not they’re trustworthy or have an agenda.

My husband calls it judgmental. I call it good intuition (and if I were totally honest, “self-preservation”).

It’s one of my best—and worst—traits.

About 95% of the time, my instincts about people are right. I feel like I can size up someone’s intentions pretty quickly. Occasionally, I get misdirected—it’s like my internal GPS took the longest route instead of the fastest—but I usually end up at the same place.

It’s pretty handy in my professional life, but it’s not exactly conducive to having a gagillion friends. I have a handful of friends that I trust—and it probably took them much more work than it was worth to get in.

(I was going to write something clever about it being a lot of work to get behind the velvet ropes, but it’s probably more akin to standing in line at the DMV—a lot of time, too much paperwork and not enough of a payoff.) I’m sure my husband has had to work pretty hard because of this, too. (It should be noted that my instincts about him when we met have been right. And after I made him jump through hoops to get our first date, I knew I could trust him.)

Once in a while I second-guess myself, but 8 out of 10 times I end up back at my original assessment. Needless to say, I hate it when I’m totally wrong about someone—especially, if they’ve been allowed behind the walls, even if they just get a peek, because it feels like a betrayal.

It IS more than instinct, though. I do try to get to know people first and I tend to judge them by their actions—not on superficial things. But I’m also a firm believer that people will tell you a lot about themselves pretty quickly. There are a lot of verbal and non-verbal cues that tell me when someone is being nice to be for all the wrong reasons—sucking up to me because of my husband or because they want something from me. Those are the people who talk shit the second they think you’re out of earshot (think being the operative word), the people who are constantly nice to you in a very calculated way because they need something from you.

I think this skill has saved me over the years, but sometimes I wonder if it’s inhibiting me.

I’m curious: Does anyone else do this? Or are you more willing to give people a chance?

PS: No, this isn’t about anything or anyone in particular. Just thinking out loud here…