It Might Get Ugly Around Here

I haven’t written a real post in a while and, honestly, that’s probably a good thing for all of you. (All two of you!)

Periodically, I get into a blogging slump—I think it happens to anyone who’s blogged for more than six months—but this one has been rough. I log into to my dashboard every day, fully intending to write a fabulous blog post (hell, I’d be happy to write a mediocre one these days), and I just stare at the screen. If I’m feeling productive, I’ll click through my stats or clean out my spam folder, but most days even that’s too much for me. I have plenty to write about, but I just can’t focus. It’s easier to sit in front of the TV and watch Mob Wives (really, if you aren’t watching this show you’re missing out on one of the great reality programs on TV!).

I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me—am I burned out? do I have ADD? do I need to get out more?—and then I came across this post “When Blogging Is Seriously Hard” by Judy Dunn.

You should read it. Go on. I’ll wait.

Okay, back?

I’ve got all of those issues and then some.

Family life taking a lot of energy? Check.

My husband is going through a professional transition and it’s stressing him out, which stresses me out. He is the most grounded, easy-going person I know and it takes a lot to ruffle his feathers, so on the rare occasions when he allows things to get to him, it’s unsettling. There’s a disturbance in the Force and I don’t like it. He keeps me tethered to reality and when he’s distracted from that, well, everything falls to shit. More accurately, I fall to shit. The thing is, he’s a bad-ass motherfucker and this situation is going to work to his advantage and turn out better for him in the long run. The process is frustrating, though.

Going through my own professional transition? Check.

My career thing is a struggle for me right now. The fact that I refer to it as a “career thing” lets you know how discombobulated I am. I don’t know if I need to find something new (or even if I should), or if I just need to make some adjustments to what I’m doing. I’d like to write more (which is ironic given the fact that I’m writing about not being able to write) but I don’t know if that means transitioning back to a writing career (assuming that’s even an option for me) or freelancing. I’ve had some ugly revelations about how I’ve handled my career. I reacted poorly to some challenges in my old job and walked away from a career I really loved. Now I have the task of piecing together that experience and skill set with new ones I’ve developed over the past few years and finding the perfect place for them. It may be where I am. It may be doing something entirely different. I don’t know the answer.

Stuck inside my head too long? Check. And Check.

Much to my detriment I live in my head. In fact, it’s the worst thing an insecure, uptight, Virgo like myself can do. It’s downright debilitating at times. I am a master at mulling over the What-ifs and Then-what’s. If I could, I’d make it the focal point of my résumé. I’m that good at it. But it screws me up more than it helps.

I’ve tried to “push through the hard” but maybe I haven’t pushed hard enough. I’ve tried to step away and clear my head, but that hasn’t worked. I’ve tried to blog about it, but I’m still not comfortable with putting it all out here even after nearly 4 years in this space. Which is probably disingenuous. I struggle with that too.

The one thing I do know is that I’ve been holding back. In writing, in work, in everything. It’s time to get unstuck and start working it all out.

In her post Judy says, “When your life changes direction, so does your blog. That can be stressful but, at the same time, it’s also exhilarating.”

If you stick around it might get interesting. Or ugly.

Or both.