Things That Annoy Me

Yes, there are many things. Many, many things. In fact, this could probably become an ongoing series.

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My neighbor know THE EXACT second that I fall into the sweet spot of a nap on a quiet Saturday afternoon. Because that’s when he wanders over to our house and holds down the door bell (Dddddddddddddddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. Dong). And every. single. time. he asks “Did I wake you?”

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Men who wear white sunglasses. Need I say more?

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People who have no idea how to merge onto the freeway. Don’t zoom onto the on-ramp at 80 mph and expect me—the current occupier of the lane—to move out of YOUR way. YOU are merging with ME. On the flip side, please don’t drive onto the freeway at 20 mph and stop at the end of the ramp, waiting for traffic to clear.

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Without fail, every time I go to Jersey Mike’s for a sub, there’s a woman in line ahead of me who wants to order 10 sandwiches, but no, she doesn’t know what she wants. “What’s the #9? Uh-hu. And what’s that come with? Can I get ham instead? What about the #3? And the #4? Right. And what about that there wrap? What’s on that? How many people will that feed? Only 1? You should make bigger wraps. Now, what’s that Mike’s Way? Do I have to have it Mike’s way? Can I get it my way?”

Please grab a menu, step out of the line and make a list. Better yet, call from home. Because after 10 hours of your questions and customization I’ve passed out because my blood sugar dropped and I’ve gone into shock.

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Do you remember when you took driver’s education that they taught about safe distances between cars? Do they now teach that as an optional rule? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost been rear-ended by some asshole who races up to my rear bummer so he’s only about 3 inches off the back of my car and then decides to jerk the wheel into the next lane, almost taking my trunk with him. But if that’s not scary enough, the asshole tailgating HIM rarely anticipates this move, and once the car moves out of the lane in front of them they’re almost always stunned to see a car there. My car. It’s like a high-speed game of chicken and I’m going to be the one to get cooked.

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There are three stalls in the bathroom at work. The other day I was in one of them. The doors to the other two stalls were wide open, clearly indicating that they were available. I was in the third, finishing up, and flushing. At that moment a woman walks into the bathroom, and starts yanking on MY door. The closed door. The one with the flushing toilet. And for the life of her she does not understand why she can’t get in. She even asked. “Is anyone in here?” I see this woman in my building all the time. She is not blind. She is not hard of hearing. Clueless? Possibly. Because as I walked out of the stall, she was standing right in front of the door, ready to push her way in like it was a fucking elevator, totally annoyed that someone would be using that stall. Her stall apparently.

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Okay, your turn. What annoys you? (Besides this post?!)

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cheers, mo
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